Inside Gigi's World

There once was this girl from a small town.

She was not your average teenager….

Well, maybe she was. Maybe, life was just like her’s was.

Maybe….

Maybe this is what “normal” was and maybe other people just had a their messes wrapped up in a nicer package then I did.

I was careless and wreckless. I moved slow but lived too fast.

I enjoyed smoking Newports because I liked the way they burned.

Vodka and Dr. Pepper was a suitable dinner….until I vomited it all over my friend’s cat.

Cannabis was not a drug, it was a way of life and I took so much LSD that I am still not convinced that I am not laying in a ditch somewhere, half dead, trippin my balls off and I’m just imagining everything around me.

I couldn’t wait to leave Ware.

I couldn’t wait to be an adult.

I dreamt of all the possibilities that life could be…..

Oceans so blue that they went on forever and you couldn’t tell where the Earth ended and the sky began.

Bright street lights and signs and big busy city streets.

Live music that would reverberate so hard and so loud that you could literally feel the sound enter your body. Music that was so soul wrenching, you could dance all night, surrounded by a million other people and still feel like it was only meant for you hear.

Stars that you wished upon and they actually listened.

To be alive and feel it.

Life takes all these unexpected twists and turns. And I wanted to feel every single bump the road had to offer.

There had to be more.

Truth be told, in all of my wildest dreams and adventures, I never dreamed of falling in love.

I never wanted to ruin another person. I never wanted to have someone come in and shake my world to it’s core.

There were a few boyfriends. Not a lot but a few. Some who broke my heart which I claimed to be unbreakable. A few I broke myself.

But none of them, not a single one, was ever worth it.

Not worth my time.

Not worth my energy.

Not worth my space.

Not worth my worth.

Until there was.

It was the summer entering my senior year of high school.

I was 16 years old, a few weeks to go until I turned 17.

• 

I knew it was coming.

I knew He was coming.

There was a shift in the air.

My guard was down and then all at once, my world was consumed with brown eyes, dark skin and baseball hats.

You never think you’re going to find your future at 16 years old.

My heart always wondered around looking for a place to belong.

If I’m being honest, I think the first time I looked into his eyes, I felt like I was home.

I’m not saying it was always easy. Sometimes life is messy and more times then not, love looks like a natural disaster taking everything in it’s wake.

But, I am also pretty sure there is one person for everyone.

Rich was made just for me.

I am an incredibly strong willed person.

Give and take does not come easily to me.

My mouth runs faster than I can even keep up with.

And I hate sharing my Reese’s Buttercups.

But he gets me, he gets all my highs and all my lows and he doesn’t need any explanations.

Sometimes, when I am reading old journal entries or looking at old photos, I try to figure out when the moment happened. When I realized that he was my person.

I don’t really know the exact moment I knew we were going to make it.

I guess I just always knew that we would. Or at the least I hoped.

But there is always one memory, one night I think of fondly and often and even when times are tough, because sometimes they are, I think of this and smile.

I had been at my friend’s house all day. Rich was coming over after a Red Sox game. By the time he got there, it was late and I was tired. There was a joke made about underpants. It still, to this day, is one of his best one-liners ever….and I knew then, in that moment, I wanted to spend my time with him.

I won’t tell you the joke. Don’t bother asking. Some things are best left between the two of us.

I think, in my OWN personal opinion, anyone that says it is easy to be in love, to be loved, how it is the easiest thing they have ever done, is either lying or hasn’t really found the person it’s worth putting in the work with.

But every single day, with every single breath of my entire being, I want to do the work and only with him.

• 

I know I don’t say it enough.

But you know, when I call you an “Ass”, it means the same thing.

I loved you as Richie, I loved you when you grew into Rich and I loved you when you transitioned into “Dad”.

I love you Rich. I loved you then, when we were young.

I love you now and I’ll love you still when I wake up tomorrow.

8-11-21, twenty one years together, 14 years married.

You were never my past or my future. You were always my forever.

Happy Anniversary Richie. I hope we get lucky enough to have a hundred more. 🌻