Inside Gigi's World

I have always been a night owl, as far back as I can remember. 

I would much rather stay up all night and sleep all day. Well, if I am being honest, I would rather not sleep at all. However, without sleep I am an even bigger asshole than when I am hungry so I spare everyone that headache and begrudgingly put myself to bed well after midnight and wake up early, hoping to function off of 4.5 hours of sleep. Sometimes the occasional nap takes the wheel like Jesus but all in all I am not a fantastic sleeper.

I don’t know about you but I am at my prime when the sun is down. The music sounds better, the cookies taste sweeter, the comedy seems a little funnier and my great (if not questionable) ideas seem bulletproof. 

So here I am, at the age of “none of your fucking business”, having a rave in the kitchen, eating tubes of raw cookie dough, listening to Nelly like it is the early 2000s (it’s gettin hot in herre-so hot-so take off all your cloths), plotting how I am going to take over the world…

Ya know, Hot Mom Shit. 

I have recently started playing with new waxes. Yes, that is what I said, waxes. Although I am not an esthetician, I am a stylist and have been waxing people, myself included for over 20 years. 

I started trying different hard waxes which I didn’t like when they first came out but they have come a long way over the years and I have started using them more. It is nice not having to worry about strips, they apply smoother, there are more varieties to choose from, they come in “beads” or pots. 

I know, I know…how boring, why are we talking about wax?

Well, here is why…

Late last night, after midnight, while I was watching “The Golden Girls” eating my Belvita cookies, I am struck, with what I felt was my best idea of the night. I was going to warm up my trusted wax pot and wax my armpits.

I know, you are probably asking yourself some pretty solid questions. 

“Why after midnight?”…..Fucked if I know

“Have you ever done this before?”…..Nope

“Is it going to hurt?”…..Proba-fuckingly

“Is this a good idea?”……Well, it sure as hell seemed like it at the time

So I heated up that wax and applied it to my underarms. It felt so warm and nice, it was a false sense of security. 

Once it hardened, I pulled a small piece up from the corner to get a good grip on the wax to rip it off and I felt a few of those small little hairs start to rip out (cue the tiktok sound – Oh no, Oh no, Oh no no no no no).

You see the look on my face right here, that was the exact moment I realized I had to finish rpping the rest of it off. And as I pulled that wax off and felt those stubborn little hairs rip out, one by fucking one, hairs that were embedded so deep I felt the depths of them leaving my body, taking my soul with them, I realized then that this was not my best idea.  

Pain is something I can handle. I have given birth, I am covered in tattoos, I grew up with two older brothers. I have been in countless fist fights. Nothing prepared me for this….

Then, it was on to the next side. 

Yes I did both sides, I couldn’t just do one and not the other. 

As I contorted my body to pull the skin tight to rip the wax off, I thought to myself for a quick second that Satan took over my body, the noises and grunting sounded like nothing I have ever heard come out of my body. Did I mention I gave birth twice? 

I could see every single thick hair bulb get plucked out of it’s root, they were screaming at me. I thought this must be a bad dream but it was not. I was awake and now praying to sweet baby Jesus, Mother Earth, Father Time, anyone who was listening, to give me the strength to pull off those damn wax strips faster than The Flash running towards whatever The Flash would run towards.

And, just as fast as it started, it was over. 

My armpits feel like they have been woke. They are so smooth and feel so bare but they are pretty tender, raw. But oddly not sore. I smell. You can’t use deoderant for 24 hours after you wax. So there is that. I should have planned that better. 

I said 2021 was going to be a year for new things, new experiences, all about self care and self love. 

This was a new experience to say the least…

However, I hate shaving every other day and waxing is suppose to give you 2-3 weeks before you need to wax again. You just have to get yourself on a good waxing schedule. 

So in 3 weeks time I will be heating up that wax pot, putting that wax on my armpits and praying to the good lord that the wax only removes hair this time, leaving my soul wear it belongs…..