Inside Gigi's World

But I wish I was.

I have always wanted nothing more then to be able to.

There has been fewer things in my life that drive me absolutely crazy, like climbing out of my skin, biting my finger nails kind of crazy, then not being able to get the colorful, loud images in my head onto paper.

I love colors.

And I live in even brighter colors.

Like when I see a yellow so bright that I instantly feel warm and have to look away because it hurts my eyes like the sun would.

Or how when I listen to certain music, I see teals and purples and greens so rich and deep, they swirl around me and make me feel like I am being swallowed by the sound.

Or how I can tell how soft a cloud is by how white it is because it reminds me of my favorite white tights from my childhood that felt soft and squishy in between my toes when I got the feet wet.

And how when I see a certain shade of orange, I can recall my brother and his mullet while Guns-N-Roses play.

There is a word for it.

It is called Chromatophilia.

Chromatophilia is used to describe the love of color.

But not in a weird sex way. Just in general.

It’s like I have all these cool thoughts, images and colors in my head but it is a secret meant for me to keep to myself. Maybe it’s the Great Divine’s way of telling me the world couldn’t handle it.

I try.

I watch people that can do it. I study them. They make it look so easy, trick my brains and my hands into thinking I can do it but instead I am left feeling anxious and frustrated.

I get things out as good as I can.

I have my writing, my photography….

But it doesn’t feel the same.

Maybe it is all the LSD I took in my youth? Who knows?

But if there was one super power I wish I had it would be to do just that